This last third of the twentieth century has been for me a long period of time in which I have been wounded by multitudes of events; many were very painful and have made a deep impact on my life.

I have seen my Homeland disappear as a Nation, reduced to a mere memory to be cited by History. I have also witnessed its apostasy from Catholicism, with the ensuing abandonment of its Faith, its History, its traditions, and its glorious past. Menéndez y Pelayo[1] had already prophesized that Spain would disappear as a nation the moment it ceased to be Catholic. And this is precisely what has happened: the facts seem to confirm the existence of a cause and effect connection between one and the other – and all that, in order to succumb to a gross paganism which is incapable of realizing that it is walking upon the edge of the abyss in the midst of the passivity and silence of the whole society and even of its own ecclesiastical Hierarchy, as if both were thinking that nothing most grave is happening: For, as in the days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, even till that day in which Noah entered into the ark: And they knew not till the flood came and took them all away.[2]

This is how I have been beaten:  by the pain of contemplating and suffering from inside – for I am also a member of the Church – the decomposing of a Catholicism that is progressively shrinking to rock bottom levels in a most unwelcome prospect. I have had to withstand the powerful attacks of the Modernist heresy and all its consequences: general anarchy in the Liturgy; the development of the Pastoral practice of theatrical mass shows, which pretend to make believe in the existence of a prosperous Catholicism which does not really exist; the crisis of Faith and the ensuing questioning of almost all the dogmas; the corruption of a vast number of the Hierarchy, including high ranking members who sometimes do not even have qualms about confessing openly their lack of Faith or their mocking attitude towards Morality; the mass desertion of Catholics to other Christian confessions; the clear and express abandonment, by the Church, of an essential task that had been handed over to her by Jesus Christ Himself: her missionary activity (Mt 28:19)…; not to mention the sad spectacle displayed  by religious Orders with their general exodus or a Youth totally away from the Church and, as a result, an almost total lack of vocations…

And, as if this were not enough, I have had to suffer, pressed from all sides, the objective that I should accept as valid the Great Lie: to admit, as an unquestionable truth, that the Church finds herself in the best moment of her History, which has been termed – I ignore whether ironically or in mockery – the Springtime of the Church.

And I have to add something even more painful. In addition to all I have said, I have had to accept, all my life long, the indisputable truth that a corrupted Hierarchy is still the Hierarchy of the Church. I could not do away with it if I wanted to be part of the Flock of Christ: Ubi Petrus, ibi Ecclesia. Hence, once more it is confirmed that obedience is the proof of fidelity, that it to say, of Love: Oboediens usque ad mortem, mortem autem crucis.[3] Indeed, although it is not always possible or even necessary, to understand, it will always be essential to remain faithful with constancy at all times (Jn 20:27).

There are, then, abundant reasons to adopt an attitude of hoping against all hope. A hope that assumes the reality of the fight and, at the same time, warrants the promise of the Price to those who have trusted and have triumphed in the combat. To him that overcomes I will give to eat of the tree of life. In this sense, the Christian knows well that he is fighting with the certainty of winning: I therefore so run, not as at an uncertainty: I so fight, not as one beating the air…[4]